I possess a great deal of sentimentality when it comes to certain things. I have a large, plastic tote devoted to items that Emma and Jack have worn--whether that be a dress or two for Emma or a Jack's first pair of Oshkosh overalls. Intermixed with the clothes are "works of art" that only a parent could appreciate it. For me, a lot of my sentimentality is intermixed with traditionalism---thus my aversion to those pesky LED lights. For me, the blue hue illuminated is reminiscent of a big ass Audi, not Santa, elves and the 12 Days of Christmas.
My dad drives an Audi and while I may "hate" those LED headlights, I certainly don't "hate" my dad, much like I don't "hate" the neighborhoods adorning the LED lights or the malls. And yes, as time passes, I will get used to the blue hue and probably move on to the next present day "trend" and give that a tongue lashing-- a tongue lashing like I received the other day from an "avid fan".
Part of the beauty (and curse) of blogging is having your prose read by a large audience. I have been very fortunate to have a small, but loyal fan base who leaves comments occasionally filled with wit, laughter and encouragement. However...not all readers are nice and some find it empowering to leave less than flattering comments. I had one hell of a gem left by an "anonymous" reader on Friday from Bitely, Michigan. Seems that Mr./Ms. Anonymous felt I was just "looking out my window for any excuse to cause problems with my neighbors" and that I should stop "whining" because no one likes me. The best part, however, was after leaving their gem, they wished me a Merry Christmas....
Of course, it was my prerogative to delete said comment which I did promptly---I wasn't about to debate Mr./Ms. Anonymous. What was really sad, however, was that they returned a few hours later to see if I had responded---are you serious? It's perplexing...if you think I am such a self-centered, self-absorbed, trouble maker, then stop reading my blog and direct your anger towards something more constructive. Your insistence that I am not a nice person certainly did not sway my opinion about LED lights---call me a sentimental traditionalist....
So to Anonymous in Bitely, Michigan, thank you for your time and well wishes during this holiday season---now do us a both a favor... do not click, do not read and do not leave a comment---begin a new tradition for 2010.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Move Along Now....
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Forget Red and White...It's All About Green
When is the "going green" fad going to end? Okay, I don't want the planet to implode from all of the disposable diapers and paint cans we have artistically placed in the ground. But I am starting to take serious issue with a product currently flooding the marketplace this holiday season---LED lights.
I am traditionalist at heart---even all my yapping about sex, lube and the number 69 is conducted under the utmost stringent of conditions. So my loyalty to the traditional twinkle light remains steadfast and my bushes, (the peanut gallery will remain silent), out front, are adorned with a multitude of beautiful white lights. But much to my dismay, the LEDs are encroaching with their sterile blue hue in the neighborhood, at the malls and on the manicured trees. They are environmental friendly---they use less energy---they last longer. Guess what else? They are fucking ugly.
I apologize to my fellow tree hugging liberals out there. I get it, I do. We have replaced all of our light bulbs with more efficient ones throughout the house. I have ditched the plastic grocery bags for re-usable ones. When picking up Jack from events, I no longer let me car idle for warmth. But can't we leave holiday lights alone? It's only 30+ days....
And where does it stop? If we make Christmas green then we've opened Pandora's Box wide open and Christmas is subject to an overhaul. For example....
1---Santa. Talk about unhealthy. That jolly old man in the sleigh needs to attend a Weight Watchers meeting stat. I mean what kind of message are we sending to our young? High cholesterol, high blood pressure and Type 2 Diabetes from all the sweets? Santa needs to be rolling in a hybrid, sporting some six-pack abs and donning a nice tight goatee instead of a long ass scratchy beard.
2---Jesus. The manager needs some serious underwriting, courtesy of Home Depot or Lowes. And PETA might have a problem with a pregnant woman riding a donkey...could be bad for the donkey's back. And forget about the shizzle that the Wisemen are offering---I'm thinking Pampers, wipes and baby powder brought to them by Babies R Us.
3---Holiday Songs. Has anyone really listened to the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"?
We might as well rename this song "Mommy's Gettin Some from Santa Claus"---she's kissing and tickling and I'm quite sure if Daddy walked in on that there would have been some ass kicking. Yet, the song was written in the spirit of the holidays---even if with the suggestion that Santa's pickle was getting a tickle.
Do you see how the holidays could change drastically? The holidays are all about being naive, getting along with family members you can't stand and trying to make amends with people that really hate you. So my message to you during this holiday is this:
On behalf of Santa and the elves, (not including Jesus because I don't know how he feels), we thank you.
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